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| Transcendence therapy. Sounds a bit... audacious, don't you think? There are other, less austere sounding labels for this method of counseling, but this is the term my own personal counselor and de facto guru chose to use upon my last visit.
I am in the final stages of my marriage. My wife has already moved out, and we are getting along very well. Any and all animosity seemed to melt away once we decided to split up, as if the elephant not only left the room, but took a great deal of unwanted baggage with it. I consider myself lucky to have such a friend, and look forward to trying to be the coolest ex-husband she could wish for.
So, it's not official yet. But it will be, and we are both still confident that this is the best thing to do for our family. The proof is in the pudding. We are able to laugh, full and easily, and cut up together. It's been a long time since we were able to do that. Mutual respect and admiration have returned to displace suspicion and defensive posturing. This is all very good, and again, I feel quite fortunate. I wish her the very best of luck as she moves forward, and we are both focused on making the transition and shared parenting arrangement for our son smooth and a top priority.
Launching forward into a life on my own, in this big house, I had a lot of angst, and painful memories, to deal with. I knew I needed to let them go. And with my therapists help, I was able to reach a state where all of my perceived tormentors were no longer such. They were people, persons I could see, forgive, and even thank... for they all helped me to grow spiritually. The experiences might not always have been fun, but the reward was further growth on my part. The real tormenter was revealed to be myself, afflicting my consciousness with worry and unnecessary pain. Pain I do not deserve. I was able to see this for what it is, and at last laugh it off.
The magic words, when my anxiety (something I've been battling since my late teens) rears its head? "I get it." In other words, point made, anxiety. Concerns noted. Now... let's move on.
It took a year and a half of therapy before Gil thought I was ready to take this step. But he told me that he felt I had already done a lot of the footwork preparing myself for transcendence on my own. Bear in mind that transcendence is not an event, it's a process, an attempt to truly come close to a perfect state of grace. I have a long way to go yet, but this initial venture was VERY rewarding. I have laughed and felt happy like I haven't in a very long time. I look forward to further sessions.
And in case one thinks this is all mumbo jumbo, the concepts behind what Gil calls "transendence therapy" are mirrored in many belief and academic structures. Maslow, the renowned psychologist who came up with "Maslow's pyramid" and the concept of "Self-Actualization" actually went further, suggesting that there was another state beyond the rare pinnacle of self-actualization. Transcendence. The Buddhists seek patiently yet ceaselessly to free the mind and body of all barriers to acheive a state of perfect, personal grace. And Jesus said, "Love thy enemies, pray for thy persecutors". It seems to me a common goal across acadamia and many religions and philosophical quests: Personal grace for some, the hand of God caressing an upturned face for others.
For me, it is essential in my continued quest to live the Exemplified Life. Again, it is not the destination, which many would perhaps rightfully describe as ultimately unattainable, but the journey... edging ever closer to sit, figuratively for some, literally for others, at the right hand of God.
And know peace. For to finally know peace and grace within one's self is the best way to bring peace and grace to others. Someday war and human conflict will be a thing of the past. This is the best road by far that I have found toward that very, very worthy--I'd even call it essential--life goal.
To see war end in my lifetime. | | |
| How does this serve me? Why am I holding on to this?
About a year ago, my therapist gave me an article to read. It was short, but left a lasting impression. For all intents and purposes, it was my introduction to Bhuddism. The name of the article was "About Impermanence"... I think. Something about impermanence, at any rate. The overriding notion discussed by the author as she recounted time spent with Bhuddist monks was deceptively simple: We choose what we will hold onto, and what we will let go. We choose.
The world does not saddle us with grief and unhappiness. It saddles us with events. Some are wonderful. Some are not. What we do with these events, how we respond, is up to us. This is an extremely liberating concept. That grudge you've held for six years? Why are you holding onto it? How does it help you? How would you feel if it was gone? Plagued by sad memories, a beast on your back? Why do you keep it around? Why not make peace with it? All you have to do is smile and let it go. Really let it go.
This is a crucial point--do not confuse letting go of negative feelings with suppressing them. I used to be and sometimes still don the mantle of the Suppression King, and let me tell you, that is an unhealthy habit. One way or another, if you are keeping negative energy around, in a box or any other mental container, it will resurface and blow up in your face. No, the idea in this article was, you can choose to simply let go of something. Forever. And it will lose all power over you, because you no longer own it. You no longer claim it as your own.
When you let go of a negative emotion or association, that does not mean you forget it. That does not cancel out or otherwise ameliorate the impression the experience left you with. These you will keep, and such experiences devoid of negative baggage will broaden your knowledge and teach. Life's experiences are our greatest teachers. You will remember, but you needn't suffer any longer. Let it go.
And what is the mechanism, the magic wand, that allows one to simply "let it go"? You are. It is a simple choice. You can say it out loud or think it through, but in the end there is simply a choice... I will hold on to this negative energy no longer. Did I mention this is a liberating experience?
Just ask yourself, as you chew on whatever bile ails you, "How does this serve me? Why am I holding on to this?" If there is no good answer... then there is no good reason to torment yourself a moment longer.
Make a choice. Let it go. Be at peace. | | |
| Spirituality vs. Religion
First off, there does not have to be a "vs." between these two terms. Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic in my heading. But there is certainly a difference, a sometimes profound difference, between these two over-used and under-explored words.
To me, religion constitutes a belief structure that in most circumstances is predicated by initiation or admittance to a hierarchal organization. Most religions, particularly from a Western vantage point, require or call for a subscription to an external locus for authority in those matters typically governed or moderated by religion, i.e., questions of morality, ethics, and faith-based concepts. I could be wrong.
Spirituality seems to me something filled with a much more personal dynamic. I see spirituality as a quest, a process, not as an end product. It is centered around an internal locus for self-determination of many of the same topics often ascribed to religion, i.e., questions of morality, ethics, and faith-based concepts.
A healthy religious perspective would seem to benefit from no small degree of spirituality.
A healthy spiritual perspective would seem to suffer from any great degree of religious indoctrinization; the internal locus would suffer under too much exposure to external controls.
Though both of these words are often used together, and to some even seem almost interchangeable, I find that neither necessarily engenders the other, nor does either necessarily complement or benefit from the other. They can and should coexist peacefully, but as with all ideals, often fall far short of the mark.
I could be wrong, but that's my distinction. It's worth noting that I am rather introverted, so the more introspective spirituality holds much more appeal for me than the more communal, hive-minded extroversion of most religions.
Perhaps a pivotal question to consider is this: How do we build better communities? By fostering and promoting greater spirituality for the individual, or by expanding community-based belief structures? Does one ever preclude or threaten the other?
Hmmm. | | |
| ON MY DEVIANT ART WEBSITE (see link in my sidebar) I have the following verse, separated into couplets as headers that subdivide my journal into 4 diferent categories. The words are from a song entitled "Dance of the Bad Angels" by Booth and the Bad Angel, a one-off collaboration from late 1996 between Tim Booth, singer of the British pop band James, and Angelo Badalementi, the composer of mulitple film scores; most notably for the bulk of David Lynch's work, from Twin Peaks to his many films. Here are the words:
Dance with me
Around this fire
The dance of bad angels
Who would love to fly higher
God is love, god is love
And a lover I'll be
I long to leave the world
In ecstasy.
"Dance with me around this fire" is the first section, where I talk about whatever art, deviantART, or related issues, kind of the topic of my journal entry.
"The dance of bad angels who would love to fly higher" is the section where I feature work or artists that I find interesting. This is my spotlight section, shining a light on artists who I feel deserve a little attention. I do this as a courtesy to my friends and passersby, for art is indeed food for the soul.
"God is love, god is love, and a lover I'll be" is where I list all of my story and art ideas, my itinerary of upcoming projects. For to create is divine, to destroy is to turn one's back on our better nature. I would be a creator, rather, and do my best to add in some small way to the love of the world, as I find this much more preferable to the alternative.
"I long to leave the world in ecstasy" closes my journal with links to my various art galleries and also to my novel. Of course, as many artists before me, I do long to leave the world a better place than I found it. I have a bit of a messiah complex, and believe fervently that there can be a much more loving and kind future for our species here on earth. I think those who would sit upon their hands and wait for God or his agents or his analogs in other religions to come along and save us from ourselves are doing themselves and their communities a great disservice. An example has been provided already. We do not have to wait, indeed, I submit, we should not wait, for an external ultimate solution to sweep along and save us all. Regardless of one's faith, surely we can do better right now, right here, and surely that would please any diety that might await us high above; to see his (or her) creations strive to better themselves and the station of their fellow humans.
To this end, I write and create artwork. It may not always be apparent how, say, a drawing of the Norse mythological figures Thor and Loki in drag is beneficial to the collective human endeavor, but at least I did not destroy that day. I created something instead. In that particular case, I created what I hope was a humorous illustration for a touching story about unlikely comradeship, bonds, and forgiveness. Such was my intent.
I do indeed long to leave the world in ecstasy. I would see the final war not as Armageddon, but instead as the War on War itself. This same sentiment was eloquently expressed by the late John Paul II shortly before his passing, and I share his passion to see such a future realized...
I long to see the world at peace in my lifetime. I think it can happen, and look forward to sharing and discussing ideas about such a peace in future entries. Thank you for reading ♥ | | |
| OK, I'M NEW HERE. I already have a blog devoted largely to my writing and the occasional rant or observation. Perhaps I'll use this site to devote some time and thought to my ongoiong spiritual quest. What quest is that, you ask?
This heathen longs to walk in the footsteps of Jesus of Nazereth. That's right. I am not a Christian in the traditional sense, but rather a more science-minded person. Yet I am inspired by the example of the story of Jesus' life, and how he conducted himself. I believe that if more of us tried to follow the example handed down over the ages, we could have a much more peaceful and harmonious planet down here.
I do not think I or anyone else gets to go any place particularly special when we die. All the more reason, all the more urgency, then, to find a special way to live. That is what I strive for, though I often fall short. But that's OK. After all, I'm aiming pretty durn high... | | |
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